The Complete Entrepreneur – EP45: How My Business Impacts My Relationships
We are on Startup Club and we are listening to The Complete Entrepreneur today about
our relationships and how does our startup impact with our relationships at Startup Club. I’m just gonna let you know that we have a website called www.startup.club, and you can sign up to a mailing list.
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So I’d really encourage you to go to [00:01:00] www.startup.club. Michael, you’re our, uh, leader here today. I’ll pass it over to you. I’m having a really bad couple of days here. Um, very, very upset about, you know, one of my startups and what happens. But, uh, yeah, let’s get going. Oh, it’s great to be here, Colin, and I’ll tell you what, And, and Jeff and Michele, it’s fantastic to be here cuz this is my favorite time of the week.
Favorite time is 5:00 PM Eastern time each Thursday because that’s when we take a look at the Complete Entrepreneur, where we examine what it means to live the life of an entrepreneur. Not just looking at the, the business side, but we’re taking a look at what’s the emotional side, what’s the stresses, uh, that you’ve gotta wrestle with.
And today we’ve got an absolutely brilliant topic. My startup is ruining my relationship or relationships for that matter. And I, I, I, here I am and I’m, I’m sitting in Fort [00:02:00] Lauderdale, um, down here and, uh, in Florida. And my last weekend I’m gonna be broadcasting this from startup.club hq and it’s been wonderful.
So before we start into things, I just want us thank. All the firstname.lastname@example.org for being so welcoming. Um, for an Australian to come across the pond, it’s called the Pacific Ocean. And to be here with you guys, it’s fantastic. But anyway, let’s take a look at this. Today’s, um, today’s topic, my startup has ruined my relationships.
You know, too many entrepreneurs climb the ladder of success to find that it was leaning against the wrong wall. What do you do when you discover home isn’t what it used to be, and yet your business demands more and more of your time. This is an interesting topic and, and one where, um, one that I must admit in my 40 years of being an entrepreneur, I’ve really wrestled.
And, uh, how to create [00:03:00] that balance between work and, uh, work and home and, and you’re so excited about something happening in the business, but no one really can understand why you’re excited or anything like that. Um, and it’s been one of the biggest challenges for me, and, and I must admit it came to a kid back in early two thou, well that end of 2000.
And I had to make the real decision. Um, and, uh, the decision was, um, shall I work at home or shall I have an office? And I’m looking at my kids around me and, uh, and I made the decision. To have an office to, to work from home, sorry, to work from home. And it really was a momentous, momentous one where everyone at that time, they weren’t working from home like you, real businesses have offices and all that sort of stuff.
And it was, it was a big decision for me. Um, uh, where was I gonna put my attention? Everything like that. And [00:04:00] it’s not just in my relationship, say with my wife, but relationship with the kid, with my kids and everything, and I want to be there when they got home from school. So I made a whole series of choices, which, uh, were quite, quite challenging at the time.
Um, and ones that I don’t regret making, I must admit. Yeah. But sometimes really hard to make those choices as an entrepreneur. And that’s an example of a simple choice. And, uh, it, it’s, it’s something that I think that every entrepreneur at some stage will end up wrestling with. You’re gonna wrestle with the demands of family or loved ones.
And it demands of your startup. And it’s not a fun decision. It’s not like, it’s not like a black and white decision all the time. It’s that gray area in the middle. So I just wanna go along and ask, put it back to you, Colin. Colin, how do you make these decisions where it’s gray in the middle? Like it, it’s really difficult.
What do you do when you, [00:05:00] there’s such, um, tension between say, your relationship, personal relationships and your business and demands on time and all that sort of stuff. In fact, um, so Colin, so what, how did you manage this in your business life?
Yeah, Michael, I just got a call just as, uh, that, that as you were asking that question, but, um, you know, it happened today. Okay. Uh, I had a, um, crisis. Over the last couple of days because my vacation rental business is based in North Captiva and we had something called Ian, a hurricane that was massively devastating.
And I have, you know, five homes there and we rent them out, um, vacation rentals. And, uh, at, you know, I, you know, my wife was off work cuz they closed the school here in Fort Lauderdale because they were [00:06:00] worried about the storm. Uh, and she got upset at me at, at lunchtime today because I didn’t have enough time to go to lunch with her.
When I, and I answered, I said, Listen, I’m dealing with a crisis right now. Like I’m, I’m trying to figure out how we’re gonna open up our business, how we’re gonna actually get workers on the island, how we’re gonna deal with this. And, you know, I, I think she sort of got it. But you can see this natural tension that exists between your family and your startup.
And I realize the topic today is so, like, it was well timed topic because, uh, you know, I had this little incident. Now we can say family first all the time. And I, and I totally, if you, you know, ask me that question, I would always say family first. Okay. But there comes a time when you’ve gotta cut that deal.
It comes a time when you’ve gotta deal with that crisis, when sometimes you put the family second with the purpose of putting the family [00:07:00] first. Because if you can take care of the startup and the financial, um, what’s going on in that, you know, in, in the financial, you know, benefits from the hard work you’re doing at that moment, sometimes your family’s gotta become second place.
Now, are we gonna miss every soccer game? Are we going to, um, You know, are we going to literally burn out our relationships, uh, because we want to keep going, going, going, No, this is not a, I don’t think we have the right to treat our family and our, and our, and our relationships that way. I think this is an exception and it should be used very rarely, like I did today when I said, Look, I can’t go to lunch with you.
I have to deal with this crisis. And she got a little upset of me. And, but the fact of the matter is, you know, I had to sort of choose, and I, and I chose the startup over, over her today with the intent that I’m really protecting her and the family by building [00:08:00] something here too. So it’s a complicated argument, you know, it’s very easy for everybody here in the audience to say, Yes, family first, family first, family first.
And if you’re in the audience, come on stage. We’re having a really cool conversation about. And we really want you on stage, so just raise your hand, come on stage. I know you’re gonna enjoy it. Uh, Amanda, April, Tracy, Lisa, come on stage. Come and join us and let’s justs talk about this issue because it, it’s an important issue.
Uh, I, I agree. I agree with you, Colin. I think sometimes, um, uh, putting the business first is actually putting the family first. And it’s just because the different members of the family may not be able to understand why you had to put the business first in that particular instance. And sometimes you’ve just gotta make some quite dramatic, dramatic decisions as well.
I remember many years ago, I was back in the nineties, um, I was a quite, very successful seminar speaker. Uh, I talked on creativity, [00:09:00] lateral thinking, management topics, all that sort of stuff all around Australia, New Zealand. Uh, I was breaking into the Asia as well, and one of the interesting things, uh, I had one of those wake up moments where I, I remember waking up at home and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I walked straight into the wall because I had no idea where I was.
You see, I was having, I went at one stage, I had, I think it was at 70 flights, um, in three months. So I was up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, constantly flying and, and I thought to myself, What am I doing? The more successful I become, the more I’m away from my family. And at which point I completely changed around and turned my, my back on, uh, um, that particular career, although I was very successful, I was getting paid a lot of money for doing that.
Um, and went and did an mba. Um, and, uh, reskilled myself up and all that sort of stuff. And that was a, once again, a [00:10:00] tough decision to make. And, um, it’s why I sat down with my wife and we had a long discussion about that. But it, it was an, I do remember that walking to the wall. I had no idea where it was.
And, uh, I know that can happen, particularly for you road warriors out there. So I just wanna go to yourself saying, Michele, um, in your, your time as an entrepreneur, has there been instances where you said, Am am I making the right decision from my relationships or the business? Has there, has been there that difficult sort of situation for you?
Looks like we’ve lost Michele temporarily, so I’m gonna come down to Ron. Ron, it’s great to have you on the Complete entrepreneur. It’s fantastic to have you. In fact, I’d love to hear it from you. Um, so welcome to the Complete Entrepreneur. Thank you, Michael. Uh, I solved this problem by cheating. I had [00:11:00] romantic relationships entirely with women who were brilliant entrepreneurs, uh, top executives, uh, who loved business, who were creative, and I brought them into my ventures.
They ended up being my partners, my department managers. Uh, so they were as immersed in it as I was. None of none of my relationships, uh, resulted in families. So there I cheated again, unfortunately, because I really enjoyed children and I enjoy mentoring, but my romantic partners were all women who didn’t wanna have children.
Uh, so that’s how I got around the whole issue. , I don’t know if that’s useful, but that’s what happened to me. That’s definitely one solution for you there, Ron. That’s for sure. So you, on the scene of the Complete Entrepreneur, and we’re talking about my startup is ruining my relationships. If, if [00:12:00] you are in the audience you’re saying, you know, this is I need to share, share some stories or something like that, then please stick your hand up.
We’d love to hear from you and, uh, welcome you up to the stage and, uh, to hear your thoughts on this topic. In the meantime, let’s go to Lisa. Lisa welcomes the Complete Entrepreneur. Thank you for the warm welcome. Um, what was the question? Is it the question at the top? Yeah, it’s, My startup is ruining my relationships.
Um, I think my startup is the opposite. It is strengthening my relat. The first thing that I did was do my mission, my vision, and my objectives. I did it for my corporation. I did, uh, and I did it for myself, Lisa, the astronaut, and me not sticking to, um, my own mission and vision and objectives [00:13:00] is why I left the person that I was with.
So the first was explore. The second was create, and the last one was fly. I took the quote, another form of cheating. I took the, I took, uh, this, this, um, author Tony Morrison’s quote who said, If you wanna fly, you have to remove the things that weigh you down. And that was very important because, when I said Explore, create, and fly, it was literally explore ways about yourself that you wish to overcome or to succeed in.
And it didn’t have to do anything with, um, an object, like an object that you can go touch. It wasn’t about like money per se, it’s just you and who you really are in your own dna. And when I, when I understood who I was, um, the [00:14:00] person that I was with did not match my core values. So, I, I know that I made the right choice when leaving the relationship and it happened from the beginning.
And it’s just like how they say with startups, like you gotta be very careful with who you let in on your startup and in your space even cuz they can take away from your build. And sometimes you don’t see it until you go to bed with your vc. That’s no different than going to bed with someone that is not in your mission and your vision and then the likeness of your values.
So that’s what I come to find and I don’t regret any step that I’ve ever taken. So I’m Lisa, the Latron. I, and I’m done. Hey Lisa, thank you very much for your thoughts on that, uh, and what you shared. Really, it’s a privilege to hear here. Can you share there? So Jeff, do you have any thoughts on what Lisa was just sharing there, or your own experience with my startup is ruining my relationships.[00:15:00]
Well, I think, um, a lot of great points have been made. Um, , I like Ron’s hack. Um, and I do like that Lisa said that, um, her business made her relationships stronger. Um, I’ve experienced both sides of this coin in that, you know, earlier in my entrepreneurial life, I put too much emphasis, uh, on work first, um, to the detriment of my family and ultimately wasn’t the only reason, but it certainly contributed to eventually a divorce.
Um, and I think I’ve learned a lot since then. And I think one of the key things, and I started to learn this, you know, when I was still married, because I, you know, towards the end, I, I figured it out a little bit and that is, it all boils down to communication too, because if you are. An entrepreneur, it’s hard not to be focused on your business.
And, and as was mentioned earlier, you know, having a successful business, it’s also creating success for your family. So it is tied [00:16:00] together, but you can’t do it in a silo. And I think that, that my business life when I was young was completely and wholly separate from my family life. And I mean that, that I was not communicative with my family, including my children, about what I was doing and why, why was I working so hard and what was I actually spending my time on?
And I think, you know, I learned that that was a big mistake because, you know, it’s, it’s bad enough that you’re not present, you know, physically and or mentally all the time for your family because you’re consumed by your startup. But to not share what’s driving you with them, to not share. You know, why you’re consumed with this business?
What are your goals and objective? What are the things that are taking your time away from your family? If you don’t communicate and share that with them, it’s even harder for them to understand. So, so the lesson that I’ve learned is, is, is to really involve your family in [00:17:00] your business. Um, have them understand the pressures you’re under, and why Don’t do it in a silo.
Don’t keep it to yourself. And sometimes that’s hard too, especially when your business is hitting a rough spot. You know, if you’re an entrepreneur or a founder of a business, you want it to be successful. And there are times when it’s not. Things are not going well. Things look like they’re falling apart to you.
And it’s really hard to sit down with your partner and say, You know, that business, I’ve been devoting all this time to, Well, it’s really not going very well. And I actually think I’m feeling like a failure on most days, and I’m struggling with this. And, and it’s hard to be that vulnerable and say that, but if you do, you’re much more likely to gain the support of your partner and your family.
So at the end of the day, I, I’ve done it very poorly. I’m trying to get better at it, and I think I am better at it at this stage in my career. But communication, being open about the stresses you’re under as an entrepreneur, involving your family, your partner, your children, to the [00:18:00] extent that they’re old enough to understand, um, involving them and what you’re going through as an entrepreneur will help things and, and hopefully prevent it from ruining your relationship.
Yeah. Jeff, you, you raised some really important points there. Uh, are really involved in the family and things like that and sort of sharing with them. Cause it’s very easy to come home as an entrepreneur and you sort of, I don’t want to talk about , about the work and all that sort of stuff, but it brings up a, a biggs another question, which is, what should you share with your family or your partner versus what shouldn’t you share?
What are those things you should share? Um, or, or how should you share, um, with your significant other, you know? Um, I think they’re really interesting questions to, to go and explore. I’d love to get, hopefully Michele’s connected and then we’ll come back to yourself, uh, maybe wrong for a minute, but Michele, um, uh, you’ve connected [00:19:00] it once.
No, it looks like she’s still off there. So again, I wanna come down to Ron. Ron, what’s your thoughts around that? What should you share with your significant other versus what shouldn’t you share? My answer would be essentially everything. And, and I, I’d like to talk to Jeffrey’s point about involvement.
We have a certain number of people right now, I’m not one of them. I think Alon Musk is, is my number one role model and hero. But there are a certain number of people who think that he’s a real bad guy. Cause he, you know, he sacrificed his family, he got divorces. Uh, he slept in the factory for three years and didn’t give any priority to his family.
It’s, it’s a lot of talk that I consider the theme of, which is feet of Clay, let’s find Alon, Musk’s, feet of clay. But I [00:20:00] think if you really imagine yourself being a child of Alon Musk, going to a school he invented, was it at Astra that he invented? Uh, and let’s imagine you’re his child when he’s sleeping in the factory to rescue Tesla for those three critical years when nobody knew how to make a factory productive in the auto industry.
Would you like to be his child? Would you like to have Alon Musk taking you around the factory lovingly commenting to you about what he’s thinking? As, as you pass various machines, as he interacts with people, would that be one of the greatest treasures of your life? Would that be maybe worth a billion dollars?
Would it be emotionally a wonderful experience rather than, uh, his abandoning the [00:21:00] family? And I’ll pause there. This is Ron. Hey Ron. I’d like to challenge you a little bit, um, if you don’t mind on, you said, you were asked the question, You said share everything. What if your spouse doesn’t have the capacity to deal with the rollercoaster and I, and eating your kids too?
So we’re talking relationships. So you’re talking about kids, you’re talking about your spouse. You’re talking about close friends, You know, maybe it’s a little different with close friends in its best, but what if, what if you’re, We can’t assume that everyone’s spouse can handle the rollercoaster. I mean, a startup is freaking hard.
It is do or die every single day. So sharing everything, I’m challenging on that one. Okay. Thank you. I appreciate the challenge. Um, well, there again, All in good button too. All in good button. Yeah, I, I hear you remember, I’m the guy who cheated. [00:22:00] I had relationships with all these women who, who were entrepreneurs and executives.
So in a way, I screened them for their ability to handle it. Huh. And, and some of them rescued my ventures in various ways. Can I tell a quick story about that one minute story? Um, as long as there’s a quick one there, Ron. Yeah. Diesel. I, I had a inviting department and I, I won’t tell you the details. They invited people and the number of acceptances, percent acceptances were down.
And I figured out what happened and I tried to, to get the head of the department, the head of, uh, the head of the inviters, the head of the department, the head of operations to come around, and none of them did, None of them really agreed with my assessment. So I fired them all and installed Gelo. My romantic partner, [00:23:00] who was a financial executive who didn’t speak fluent English, and sh here, she was managing a verbal department brilliantly.
She got all the metrics back to their old level. And for the rest of the, the 12 years that I was CEO at, it maintained that level. So not only did my romantic partners accept my challenges, sometimes they were the rescuers, . So you bring up a whole other issue, but working with your partner, and, and I’ll tell you right now, I could never do that, Michael.
I, I could never work. And I know you’ve been traveling now for about three months with Rosalind and your wife. Yeah. And, uh, she’s, you know, in many ways contributing and helping. But my style in business, like I come in, I’m stick Cato, I spark orders, I do this, it’s my style, and we get things done. And I think people respect me for [00:24:00] my style.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mean. I mean, I, I try to be respectful, but the fact of the matter is I move very quickly. It’s very, very, very intense. I come home, If my wifes were to see me in the business environment, she would be, She’s got so upset. She does see me in the business environment, and she does get so upset at me about the way I communicate with other people.
Oh, you should talk to them, get to know them. You should be understanding their needs and everything. No, I gotta get things done. I need to get things done, Michael, so I can’t have my wife in the room. I, I literally have to be outside the room when I’m doing business. I cannot have her in. Yeah, it, it, it’s an interesting question.
I think there’s a few things here is I’ve been married for 35 years. In fact, uh, we had a 35th anniversary on, on this recent trip, and I celebrated it with my wife and my COO in an airport eating pizza . So there was a momentous occasion and understanding. She’s very understanding though. She’s very understanding.
Yeah, she’s very understanding. But I [00:25:00] think the question that you were asking earlier was, should you share everything? And when I look back at my entrepreneurial journey, I definitely have not shared everything. And one of the things that I, um, determined was, you, you can my wife help in this situation or not?
And if she cannot help in this situation, then I don’t, do not want to burden her with whatever problems I’m wrestling. Um, what I will do though is I’ll sit down with her and I’ll, and I’ll talk to her in an emotional voice, which is, I’m having a really bad day there. Some, some things have gone wrong. Uh, I I just need a hug or something like that.
And so I’ll talk in those terms, but every time I cross that line with, with my wife, um, then what, what can end up happening is she hears the burdens, but she never hears the resolution [00:26:00] of them. So I’ve moved on just like yours sort of saying, uh, um, Colin, you’ve moved on because you need to get stuff done.
So I’m, I’m moving forward as fast as I possibly can, like any good entrepreneur should. But meanwhile, my wife is left there thinking disaster has just before and everything, and, Oh no, what do I do? And everything. She hasn’t heard the fact that I, I resolve things and moved on like eight hours earlier.
Why not? Yeah. Yeah, because I, I’ve just forgotten to tell her that, that, Yeah. So it, it’s, um, it’s quite a difficult situation. So I, it’s rare. I try to make it very rare that I share the particular details, and I more speak with my wife, um, about my emotional state of what I’m going through. And it could be the highs, it could be the lows and that sort of stuff.
And so I talk to her about my emotions. I don’t talk to her about my tasks, [00:27:00] um, that I’m wrestling with a particular client, or I’m just trying to get sort out a supplier and that sort of stuff. Or some disasters before in the service suffered a DDoS attack or something, whatever it is, it doesn’t, it, she can’t do anything about that.
Um, and, uh, th those things. But what she can do is brace me emotionally. That’s something she can do. Um, that’s on one side. The other side, as you’ve noticed, Colin, is, and, uh, I quite often, particularly on a trip like this, I’ll take her to business meetings, um, with me. Like we’ll be having dinner with a client or something like that.
And the reason why I do that is she had, I’ve discovered over the years, over the last 35 years, that she has incredible insight into the people by hearing the conversation. And you can learn an enormous amount. By the way, the other, per the person across the table [00:28:00] will interact, in my case, with my wife, and I can learn an enormous amount about the character of the person that I’m about to deal.
And, uh, so I’ll take her to events at conferences and everything like that. And what people don’t understand is quite often my wife is essentially interviewing them, determining is this a person which is gonna be trustworthy and so forth like that. They don’t realize that. And we talk afterwards and I find she’s like my secret weapon in that regard.
Um, and that’s been really good, um, really good over the years. The other thing I, I, I found with her, and then I’ll then I’ll pass it back across, say to yourself, Col, is I found, um, she has an amazing intuitive business sense where she cuts the chase and things such as light clockwork. She has this saying light clockwork, in other words, get a good reoccurring business model.[00:29:00]
Um, and it’s better to have the $50 today than it is to have the $50,000 one day. You know, it’s like get that reoccurring business model going. Um, and so she has this, like another one, another saying she’ll have would be, I love contract, but I’d like the money in the bank more . So she really cuts through the chase with a lot of things cuz she’s seen a lot of the ups and downs over the years and she’s created these, um, sort of mental frameworks for her understanding things in, in an entrepreneurial sense.
And, and she sort of grounds me. A lot more. And that’s been a really a, an enormously positive thing. Um, but anyway, like we’re, we’re all different and we all have different relationships and how we interact with them. And one of the things I’m blessed with is a wonderful, [00:30:00] incredible woman who for the last 35 years has been daresay the anchor in my life, which has been been fabulous.
But anyway, Colin, I hope that answers some of your questions around this topic that, Look, I can’t do it, Michael. I just can’t do it. Like, when I go to conferences, it’s very expensive. Uh, a lot of people go with me or whatever, and you know, we have very little time and I gotta do business from the time I wake up.
Breakfast meeting, lunch meeting, dinner meeting, go to the, uh, evening drinks, uh, go to the bar at one in the morning. Cut deals. Cut deals, cut deals. Go to the next, and, and every time I’ve ever tried to bring in my, uh, wife into it, she gets very upset at me and she says, You’re not spending enough time with me.
We should be touring the city. We should learn, you know, do this thing and that night. No, it’s a business thing. I got three days to do this, and after three days it’s over. I, I, I’m with you on that. You’re white [00:31:00] rosalyn’s more accepting of your approach. My, my, my, my thing is, is my style of business doesn’t work well around her.
And second, I, I need to maximize it. It’s not a vacation. And I don’t think she quite gets that. So it’s, it’s a, like everybody’s different. It, and I’m curious what Lisa’s suppose. I’m curious what Lisa’s thinks about this too. But anyway. Exactly. We’ll come down to, to Lisa, but um, in order to answer your question just before we do your listen is the complete entrepreneur we’re talking about.
My startup is ruining my relationship. And this is where the real rubber hits the road from many people where they, in some, in many instances, they give up their startup cause of the stress on the relationships or vice versa. They give up the relationships because of the startup, you know, and, and running that, that.
That edge of the razor blade as such on the balance, balance beam there is, is really quite difficult. Um, if you are in the audience right now and you’re saying, My [00:32:00] gosh, I’ve got some questions to ask, I’m going through something right now, or whatever it is, hey, stick your hand up. We’d love to have you up on stay, want to hear from you.
So stop being a, uh, like lurkers and start being participators. Be the startup person you are and come up on stage . Anyway, it’s. Golin. I think it’s a, it’s an interesting one. Like, uh, my wife knows Roselyn knows that when I’m at the conference, for instance, I am, it’s game time for me. I’m just like, go, go, go, go, go, go.
And I’m end up like 20 minute meetings and that sort of stuff. It’s always like speed dating. At some points when there’s a function on, I’ll have her there. Um, or, uh, if, if I need have her help, say with a session or something like that or whatever, that’s fine. Um, she’ll be, she’ll be there, but, um, otherwise she can explore the city by herself.
Um, I’m there to do business and it’s very clear that I’m there to do business and I make it very clear [00:33:00] beforehand I’m there to do business. Um, and that’s, that’s what I’m there for. So it can be quite, So why invite her if you just ignore her for the weekends? Sorry, what was that? Why invite her if you’re just going to ignore her.
Yeah, that’s an, that’s an interesting, interesting question cause I don’t ignore her. What I do is that like if there’s a function on, at a conference in the evening or something like that, that I’ll have her along. Um, or if we are going out to dinner with a client, some, I’ll have her along. Cause I find she’s actually another set of years and, and I can ask her a whole lot of questions afterwards, um, uh, about that particular discussion or something like that.
And she’ll pick up on things that I may not have picked up on. So that’s the reason why I have her along and I like, and at the end of a, um, at a conference, you could be in some sort of different part of the world. Um, then [00:34:00] ideally I like to be able to spend a day afterwards or something like there or two afterwards.
If we can go and do something fun. Um, there has to be that. But anyway, yeah, so it’s my startup is ruining my relationship and uh, I feel like maybe it’s like, Dear Annie, or something like that, can you help me out here? But, um, for, for entrepreneurs, but so what should you share with your partners? But I wanna jump down to Lisa.
You’ve been listening to this conversation. Lisa, do you have anything else to add here or you just wanna move as continue on us? Continue on, but do you have anything to add on? What should you share with your partner? So I kind of, I kind of heard like four or five different things. There was the conferences.
So is it what I share with my partner around conferences? Is it, Yeah. It, it’s not just sharing with your partner around conferences, is it is more about the interaction or what should you share? About your [00:35:00] business with your pat, Um, like the roller coaster, the really bad things. Do you share that or not?
It’s really bad things. The really, the really, like, it’s, it’s, this is a classic case of we just got a million dollar deal the very next day. Oh no, it’s been delayed six months. , it’s like, it’s that roller coaster or something like that. And which can be quite, quite, um, uh, difficult for many people. I mean, there’s this part where you just gotta know like how much they’re willing to say about you in the stress of times.
For instance, one day they decide they hate your guts cuz they, you didn’t wash the dishes or whatever. Stupid thing. Like is what they’re saying going to literally make what you’re building fall even if what you’re building is for them. And I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes in the beginning is that, , [00:36:00] I feel like people should take a journey that they’re willing to walk with somebody because in, in essence, like your family is your wealth.
You, there’s so many people who have abandoned territories and, and estates and they end up giving it all up to non-profits. And it was just the chase of what is known as modern day or even ancient success. Like George Washington’s five kids, like the last kid, they all lost their, the properties to taxes.
And then the end of female non-profit ended up o uh, owning it to save the land. So George Washington Plantation is not even owned by his kids. And so that whole thing with what you should share with your, um, with your spouse, I mean, I feel like that trust has to be built. And, um, I’ve gone to a conference.
With a significant other. [00:37:00] And how I would move in a conference on my own is very different than when the person was there. They were watching my every single movement. Oh, you were standing too close to this guy. Oh, you were. And it’s like, when I’m on go time, I’m moving. I really am not even looking at a lot of the other things that they may be looking at.
And also to go to what Ron has divulged about his self and his mannerisms with how he flirts and, and. That has sex with the pe, with the women that he works with. And I feel like for a female entrepreneur, the guy who’s with the female entrepreneur, who is the CEO of a company they’re building, they, they just know how guys are.
But then that level of trust has to be there and built like, um, it’s, it’s pretty [00:38:00] much that. And it still circles back to, to values the guys. Were you talking about me when you referred to Ron a moment ago? Yeah. Because you said you were having sex with different women in your No. You utterly misunderstood.
Understood my, I said my romantic partners, women, I was in committed long term live together relationships. They happened to all be women who were brilliant managers and entrepreneurs. You, you sort of characterized me. I don’t, I hope you didn’t intend this as a guy who was fooling around with people in my company.
Not at all, Lisa. I mean, I just heard what I heard. You can go back to the replays. Maybe that’s how I internalized it, but from what I got, Every single woman or a majority of the women that you were in the office with. No. And you utterly, No. Completely your fantasy. [00:39:00] I must have it completely, utterly your fantasy.
Yeah. I think that unless not, I’m not trying to go down a path. All I’m saying is that, um, when it comes to the whole business versus relationship thing, my experience of going to a conference. The, the, the, after everything is done. And then let’s gonna, we’re gonna have a conversation of what you did or did not do and how close you were to people.
My mind, just like everybody else’s who’s probably running business, it’s like, okay, how many business cards do I have? Okay. Who can go for what product? Which one would be a value relationship or not? Did I like this person’s attitude or, or how do I feel when I spoke to this person? And will this just be a one and done or something that I could see a strategic alliance or relationship?
Like, you’re, you’re thinking about that stuff. So I think that’s kind of like that whole [00:40:00] balance between what you should tell versus not. Um, Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and you know, Lisa, it’s interesting you say that. It’s like, that’s how I feel. I feel the same way. Um, I feel like I don’t wanna be judged. I know I got, I gotta perform.
Whether we admit it or not, everything’s a performance. 50% of business is show business, and we gotta go, we gotta play our best game. We gotta be Wayne Gretsky or whoever that is in that, in our industry. And I just don’t want the judgmentalism of my spouse there seeing that I’m doing it this particular way and I do it that particular way and and whatnot.
So for me, I go to those conferences, just be myself and go and kill it. Go score the goal, come home and, and, and, you know, I bring home the whatever and, and, and deliver. But, but when my spouse is there, I I, I, I feel awkward, I feel uncomfortable. I feel, [00:41:00] you know, Jeff knows what I’m talking about here. Like, I, I don’t, You feel watch man, you be like, Damn
But I think feeling uncomfortable, but it, but. It all goes back, I think, and again, I’m still learning, um, and, you know, after 40 some odd years. But it’s, it’s a, it’s a communication issue too, right? You need to know your partner, your spouse, um, and you know, what type of person they are and how they would fit in in these environments.
But I still think if you communicate the opportunity, but be honest about it. So, so, you know, I’ve, I’ve brought my, my partner with me very successfully on a number of business trips and then other business trips. She decided not to go, because I’ll try to say up front now, Hey, I’m, I have this opportunity, we’re gonna go to Amsterdam for a conference, but I am gonna be tied up a hundred percent of the time on these three days, you know, But then at the end of that, we’ll have a day or two that we can do stuff together.
But [00:42:00] during these three days, I’m literally committed from breakfast to drinks at midnight, um, with business and. If I go out to a business dinner, you’re welcome to join me, but you don’t have to. And would you be interested in going to Amsterdam? And then it’s up to her to say, Yeah, I’ll go or I won’t go.
But she got a, she’s gotta know upfront what the situation is, you know, And, and sometimes she said yes, and sometimes she said no because it wasn’t a place where she felt she could entertain herself while I was committed for those three days. So, so it all boils down to communicating. And even Colin, in your case, even if your spouse, you know, you don’t want her there, at least if you give her the opportunity, but lay out the ground rules first and say, Look, if you want to come with me on this trip, here’s how it’s gonna be.
I’m not gonna see you on these days at all. Right? Um, you’re gonna have to be on your own. And if you’re not gonna com be comfortable on your own, then you shouldn’t come. But if you are comfortable to be on your own these three days, then come on, and then we’ll have some, you know, you’ll have an experience.
Um, so at least [00:43:00] for me in recent years that. Level of communication has been successful. And sometimes she’ll come, sometimes she won’t come, but when she does come, she knows up front you know, what the situation is gonna be. So to me, and so that’s sort of a lesson, that’s what I learned today about you and Michael, was really this idea of establishing guidelines for going to the conferences and actually interacting with, um, the, the, like doing your business.
And at the same time you sort of set up the parameters in advance. Exactly. And you’ve seen me, you’ve seen, you’ve seen it in action. Yeah, I, I, that’s exactly what I do. And by the way, sorry about that. At my, the clubhouse app crashed on my phone, , so I vanished. But back here now, that’s exactly right. It set those ground rules, which is, and, and I think one of the interesting things also [00:44:00] is understanding how to communicate with your partner in a, in a, in a better way.
Or not just Michael, I don’t, I don’t wanna call it, Sorry for, sorry for, but I don’t think we should call it, set the ground rules cuz then it sounds like you’re dictating to your partner, here’s how it’s gonna be. I would approach it differently and say, look, this is the situation. This is how this conference is set up.
These are my responsibilities and therefore these are the times that I won’t be available. And then it’s up to you if you’d like to join me. I’d love nothing more than having you there, but I just want you to know beforehand that this is the situation as opposed to ground rules. Okay, you can come with me, but this is what you have to do.
Right. So I, I don’t like, I I agree with you. Rules. Yeah. I think, I think it’s more a case of saving the expectations, uh, and making sure the expectations are right. And maybe that’s a, a better way of viewing that. Cause I agree with you around the adult, her ground rules in, I think it’s a part. So I just wanna move on [00:45:00] from sort of the whole sort of conference scenario and everything like that into how can you improve your relat.
And also drive your business. Cause I actually think you can do that in, let, let me share with you a, um, a quick story. Uh, I remember I, I was having real trouble relating to my daughters. Um, they, they’re teenagers at the time and everything like that. And what’s the goal rule to ask a teenager about life?
Well, they still know everything, , but, um, it was very much like that. I try to give the world do all that sort of thing. And then I went along and I, um, so around the dinner table, it became quite tense at night, um, many times. And I felt like I was almost under assault. So I was at work, I was under assault, you know, fighting away for the start and all that sort of stuff.
And you sit down in the meal table where you should be able to relax and you’re under assault again. This time is just, it’s more personal [00:46:00] and. One of the interesting things I ended up researching was how to actually go along and have a different type of conversation. And I learned this from the FBI negotiator, Chris Vos.
Um, and I, I, I did a whole lot of reading up on him and all that sort of stuff. Some of the techniques. Techniques. And one of the things he did was he, um, shared about a technique called mirroring, which is when one of my daughters went along and said, said something like, um, I really like that particular singer, blah, blah, blah, blah, that all you do is you get the last sentence or the last few words, and you said, Oh, that particular singer.
And you turn from a question. And so one meal, Neil, um, I sat down to my wife before and said, I’m gonna do this. I just wanna try this and see what it works like, uh, how it goes. And so we had an amazing conversation. All I did was this mirror continuously back, um, to both my daughters and everything like that.
And [00:47:00] so we got up and I, I left the dinner table and, and, and both of them said, Oh my gosh, Dad has changed what’s going on with him? It was a fantastic conversation and all this sort of stuff. Uh, talking to my wife and she, she sort of fed it back to me. Um, the feedback, and it was interesting. What I found was this, I wasn’t really listening to my significant, significant other or, uh, to my kids.
I said I was listening, but I really wasn’t. And by having, just using that technique of mirroring, it forced me to really listen. And I could really pay the attentions to them. I had no choice cause I was using this technique, you know, and it was a transformational, a transformation of how I interacted with them.
And it was, um, it was really eye opening. And I’m a one time rosan would say to me, You need to understand that [00:48:00] when you, um, finish business, you haven’t finished business. You can sit at the meal table at times and the temperature of the entire room drops by 10 degrees cuz you’re under stress about some sort of issue.
And, uh, that was an interesting side itself as well. But the communication one and listening was absolutely key to transforming the relationship with my daughters. And I, I, I don’t pretend you are listening cuz you probably. You’re probably thinking about something happening in your start up versus really paying attention.
So try mirroring and Chris fosters the guy’s name and read up on him is amazing guy. I would highly recommend it. So I wanna come to yourself. Um, Colin, how do you go with listening? Do you really listen or do you find your brain is still at work? Why? That’s a challenge, right? Um, [00:49:00] this thing is not my strength.
It’s probably one of my weaknesses. So it’s, it’s my weakness to you. So like we, you get distracted. Business is very distracting. Right? And, you know, you bring up a bit of a different issue is that, you know, we have to remember anniversaries and birthdays and stuff like that, but sometimes you get so involved and so you’re so into it that you’ve, you, you don’t do that.
I know I’m twisting, I know I’m changing the topic. Michael, I’m horrible at listening. What do you want me to say? Like, I’m not a good listener. Like, I’m trying to like change the topic here, but Yeah. I’m a good dictator . I know exactly. I can, I can dictate orders.
Like I’ve gone to psych, honestly. We’ve gone to psychologists together. We’ve talked about it. I’ve learned about active listening. Try to repeat back what, like, I think I’m starting to learn about how to do this a little better. Um, it’s not one of my best traits. I don’t know why you pecked me for this question because I thought, uh, [00:50:00] I thought you’d be the person.
We got Steve on stage now, right? Rob? We got Steve on stage, right. We got others on the stage here. But the one thing what distraction. Throwing Jeff under the bus here. I remember being on a trip with him and he, he, I forgot an anniversary once and you just totally forgot it cuz you’re so busy. And I remember Jeff, you had forgotten a birthday once.
Do you remember that with, uh, Sue and what happened? Oh yeah. No, it was, uh, it was bad. Yeah, I mean, look, It’s a, it’s a roller coaster ride. Yes. You know, I’ve had really bad instances where I, you know, booked a business trip at the same time as a very important birthday and, you know, put that first and, and, um, paid a pretty serious price for that.
But also learned lessons, you know, learned lessons and, and the truth of the matter is, excuse me, um, you know what you really learn over time, and it’s really hard when you’re young and when you’re an early entrepreneur and it’s maybe your first or second company. It’s really hard to understand that in the world of [00:51:00] entrepreneurship.
The reality is nothing is as bad as it seems and nothing is really as good as it seems. So, so when you think you’ve got the golden opportunity and everything’s gonna be amazing, and you’re gonna make a hundred million dollars, probably not the case. But by the same token, when you think that the, the floor is falling out from under your feet, everything is crashing down, your business is totally destroyed because this competitor came out with the exact same product before you did, and this hurricane hit this house, this, everything’s gonna happen.
But at the end of the day, it never turns out to be as bad as you imagine it. So when you get to the point when you can accept that, that nothing’s actually as bad as it seems and nothing’s actually as good as it seems, and you can get closer to the truth between those two, uh, you know, opposite spectrums, um, you can reduce a lot of your stress a and do a better job of dealing with all these issues we’ve been talking about tonight.
You know, the world is not. Crumbling on a daily basis. Um, and nor is [00:52:00] the world, you know, giving you that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow on a daily basis. Right. The truth is somewhere in between. And hopefully the truth will set us free, that’s for sure. But I wanna come down to Jason. Jason, you’ll be very patient, just there.
It’s great to have you on the complete entrepreneur. Love to hear yourselves from this topic. Oh, bro, what a topic, huh? Relationships. Um, hard enough without a business and then with a business, it’s, it gets pretty tough. Um, uh, got a little bell going off. I do agree with the other guy. My wife has a great intuition of what kind of employees I have or had.
and uh, she’s really good at that. Excellent. And I guess just an open dialogue, you know, being real honest and trying to, you know, just admitting like you’re not gonna have enough time is, you know, and things like that when you’re going on trips is really good points. And then, uh, you know, in Clubhouse we, we gotta try to bring [00:53:00] value, right?
So the one thing I learned, I don’t know, it’s a small trick, maybe fellas you can try and use it, ladies, I don’t know. But, uh, I always heard, uh, when your lady asks you if you need to go to the bathroom, she’s not really asking you if you need to go to the bathroom. She wants to go to the bathroom. So you just have to go to the bathroom.
If she says, Do you feel like eating Chinese food, she most likely wants to eat the Chinese food. So if you hear any questions like that, just agree and move along with it, you make a nice smooth night of it. So that’s my 2 cents. What great advice, . That’s great. That’s great advice. Jason. I’m not, I’m not a, I’m not a startup guy.
I just got a little surf shop in Hawaii. I go back and forth between Japan and, and Hawaii a lot. So I got a lot of distance relationship tips. Maybe, maybe not, but, uh, it’s, it’s hard to do, but, uh, we make it work. Sometimes we gotta remind [00:54:00] ourselves how good we got it, especially when we got that time off and that, you know, that quality time.
It’s good. Absolutely. Thank you very much for that. Jason. I just wanna jump down to Steve. Steve, welcome to the Complete Entrepreneur. So, what’s your advice for us with when your startup is ruining your re your relationship? Welcome to the same Florence. Um, Yeah, you know, the, the, there’s probably quite a, quite a lot of advice there.
I mean, you know, it, it’s like, you know, you’ve gotta find out, you know, what the problem is with the relationship. I mean, obviously, you know, with the startup, neglect can be one of those things, but you know, like some, most of you’re saying communication is what I believe to the be the key. And it’s not just with, um, you know, your relationship, it’s with your business as well.
Um, you know, it’s like with a startup, you gotta build a good team. Um, so you know, it’s down to the people you’ve got involved. It’s down to having [00:55:00] a, a good product. And then it’s about having the good process and the systems in place. Um, so. You know, it’s about having that communication with that team so that, uh, you know, you’ll be able to handle any situation.
You know, it can be about delegation as well. It can be setting up that system so that you have, you know, fewer problems, uh, and then you know, to, you have that business running with those systems that you are able. Know, spend, you know, spend time, focus on your family, your relationship as well. But then also, you know, communication with your partner and family and friends.
Um, and I, you know, I just, from reading up on all that kind of thing, uh, Uh, I, I mean, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll go to, it’s like, you know, working with different startups and different, uh, uh, businesses over, you know, many years, um, that communication is so key as well as the structure of your business. Uh, and I [00:56:00] mean, it’s, it’s highlighted in the shows.
Kinda like, you know, Marcus Lamoni, uh, the prophet, uh, going into the business, there’s, you know, you have different personalities and different people with, you know, say control issues or, uh, uh, you know, uh, interpersonal stuff. Um, uh, you just see a lot of arguments between different people, you know, who often are family, uh, business partners.
And so, you know, communication is so key in, in that side of it. But also, you know, like I say, the relationship. So one book that I really highly recommend is, uh, it’s called Nonviolent Communication. It’s actually a workshop, uh, it’s written by Marsh Rosenberg, and Microsoft use it. Um, so they, the executives use it there, It, it’s for pass through of.
Um, just like you’re saying, uh, about, uh, judgment, finger pointing, blaming, uh, nonviolent communication sets up, uh, [00:57:00] you in to be able to have the tools to communicate better with people. Um, uh, and so it, it, it’s bringing a more positive, uh, communication. And that really comes from, you know, we had a lot of conditioning when, you know, we grow up, You know, it’s like as children, you know, you’re not supposed to communicate seeing her.
Uh, there’s a lot of, uh, you know, uh, uh, uh, you know, abusive situations. Uh, there’s a lot of, you know, uh, communication where. It’s like you, you don’t talk from your emotions, you don’t tap into your needs, feelings, and desires. So we just don’t know how to communicate about how we feel or anything. And that’s what kind of really what the book focuses on.
It, it kind of, it goes into the first couple of chapters of breaking down, you know, how, how you are as a person and how you are, you are made, the conditioning you have and the way you communicate. Um, yeah, then get in, then it gets into, [00:58:00] then, you know, tapping into that, of asking people the right questions, you know, how they feel about things.
Uh, Steve, Steve, I think, I think you really tapped into something you just there, um, and, and something like that. And I really do appreciate you sharing that. Is it’s about the communication, isn’t it? It’s how do we communicate with our loved ones? And, um, and appreciate you sharing about that book. Um, uh, what was the name of that book?
Once. Yeah, so it’s, it’s non-violent communication and then really non communication. That’s always a good thing to have when you, when you’re dealing with a significant other, isn’t it? Is to have nonviolent communication, that’s for sure. Yeah, it’s interesting. There’s a lot of two clubhouse there, There are two clubhouse groups on nonviolent communication incident.
Yeah. Thanks a lot for that, Ron. There’s a, there’s a lot. Okay, so just, you know, uh, Kim’s standing by here and she’s read the book as well. I just came into the kitchen. I asked her about that book and she, she, she highly recommends it. Yeah. As well. She [00:59:00] says, I have a copy for you, . There’s a lot of really great books out there.
One book, which really impacted me in, in my communication and understanding also something about myself, and I’ve mentioned it on, on the Complete Entrepreneur Before, is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. And it, it, it’s very simple to understand where the five love languages are. Words of affirmation, like how are we communicating to our, uh, our, um, loved one words of affirmation or physical touch or receiving of gifts, quality time, or acts of service and each one of.
Responds differently to those love languages. For instance, if you went along and, um, wanted to spend quality time with me, I’d be like, You gotta be kidding me. Do you have any idea what my schedule looks like? On the other hand, if you go along and do a, Hey Michael, you’re doing a great job, man, that that’ll, I’ll run with that [01:00:00] for the rest of the.
Yeah. So it’s a, it, it, we can respond very differently and likewise with, with my wife or my kids and everything like that, they all respond very differently. So I communicate in a different way to them, in a way that they will understand and appreciate the most. And, um, and so it’s, that really impacted me a lot.
Um, but gee, what a topic we’ve had. What a topic, Um, seems to me like this is almost like one that it needs to continue to go on. Uh, my startup is ruining my relationship. We’ve, I think we’ve only just scratched the surface of this one. But sad, Michael, come to the end. Yes, yes. Yeah. I just wanted to, I just wanted to mention to Ron, I, like, I want everybody to know here that, and I wish Lisa could have stayed on, on as well, that, you know, Ron’s come on this show many, many times.
He’s a totally upstanding person. And I think there was a little bit of a, a misunderstanding in, in his interpretation. And I just wanted to come out and say that. And, uh, Lisa. Hopefully you’re in the [01:01:00] audience, or you’ll, you’ll pick it up on the, on the, uh, on the, the replay. But, uh, thank you Ron. Yeah, she totally misunderstood what I was saying.
Yeah, I, I, I agree.
Yeah. Hundred percent there. And that’s exactly the way I, I, I heard it run. So, uh, I, I appreciate you being here, uh, on a regular basis as well. So thank you very much for your input and your open and honest input too. Perfect. Pleasure. So, so thank you very much for that. But anyway, so we’ve been listening to the Complete Entrepreneur and you balancing relationships and entrepreneurship can be challenging, but there’s nothing like a strong relationship to back you up in those difficult times.
You know, there’s something special about that, and there’s been times when. I’ve sort of come, come home from a conference or something like that and I’m just run out. There is nothing left in the tank. [01:02:00] And all I want to do is sit down with Roselyn and have her give me a hug and that’s it. Or sit down and talk about what’s been happening around the house or whatever.
And it’s those times which then begin to fill up my, my energy reserves once again. And there’s nothing like that, you know? So, but anyway, startup.club, an incredible, incredible organization with amazing people behind it. Uh, I’d love to hear some more. What’s going on there, uh, with startup.club, Colin? Well, at the beginning of the show, I mean, I usually do an intro before people come on, but I mentioned we have two very, uh, big authors coming on next month.
They’re best selling authors. They’re coming on the show that Jeff, Michele and I do every Friday at two o’clock eastern called the Serial Entrepreneur Club Hour. And uh, we try to decode what it is that serial entrepreneurs do [01:03:00] over and over again to start scale, exit, and repeats. And we have two big authors best selling, but you’re not gonna know about them unless you go to startup.club and sign up for that mailing list.
I mean, we do a email list, I think we do an email once per week to let you know who the big speakers are. That week on Startup Club we had the founder of Reebok on. We had Mr. Wonderful on, We pre-announced him showing up on Startup Club. We have had Jeffrey Moore on, on our show, Right, Jeff, On, on, on Fridays.
We’ve had so many great speakers and billionaires coming on, but you’re not gonna know about it unless you sign up to that email list. And that’s all we do is we just let you know. Who’s on Startup Club that week. So check out startup.club. We’re tending towards a million members. If you’re not already a member, it’s time to get involved, get, get, you know, sign up to become a member and also get on stage.
We’d love it when Jason, Steve, Lisa, I know you’re not here. [01:04:00] And, and Ron you came on stage and contributed. Cuz that’s what this is all about. It’s a conversation. It’s not one way. It’s really about a live conversation on Clubhouse. Thank you everyone. Isn’t that so true? And next week, the topic we’re taking a look at on the complete entrepreneur is, My friends are relaxing and I’m still working.
You’re jealous of your friends that seem to have it all. A secure job, time off, benefits, and yet there you are working your butt off for what? And that’s the topic for next week, which is gonna be really, I think a great topic. Uh, have you ever felt that way? Where you just got like, seriously, I’m gonna keep on working, I’m doing 12 hours a day and you end up getting a little bit jealous.
Well, that’s the one we’re gonna be impacting next week and I think it’s gonna be a great topic. So I’d love to see you all there. Uh, thank you very, very much to my fellow moderators, um, Colin, Jeff and Michele and to those who came up on the stage. Ron, Jason, Lisa, Steve, [01:05:00] um, uh, all of you appreciate your input.
I love having people opt on stage and for you in the audience, this, you are the reason why we do this and I would encourage you to come and join us on the stage next time cause I, it’s gonna be a great conversation. God bless. See you at 5:00 PM Eastern Time next Thursday on the Complete Entrepreneur.