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Transcript: Coach Yu: ‘The Bounce’ EP19 (10.28.21)

 Hello, Dennis. Hello, Jeffrey. And everybody here. I have a modified you so welcome Dennis. You to the coach. You show, how are you? Jeffrey and all my friends. We're doing great. We're happy to have you here. And I saw the title of the topic for tonight and, and, um, I'm very excited to figure out what the bounce is.

 I thought that would get people's attention. You know, clubhouse has been a place to hang out for entrepreneurs and public speakers, coaches, people who want to share their message. And I've always wondered for the last 30 some years. What is it about. Professional public speakers, or when you see someone on TV and they give a great speech and they deliver that emotional impact, what is it that they're doing?

 And there's a technique called the bounce that I wanted to share here, and also be able to practice with other folks who are willing to raise their hand because we're in clubhouse here. Now, before we get to. By sharing examples of then having you guys come up and practice and get critiques. I want to know, are you interested in speaking more, whether it's webinars presentations with clients or teaching, or maybe you are an author speaker, coach, instructor, that kind of thing.

 This is not to bring you on stage. This is using the hand raise button merely as a voting. So we're not going to bring you on stage. If you raise your hand, just hit the hand, raise button in the bottom so that we know that this is a topic that you're interested in to be able to communicate powerfully.

 And clearly how many people want to hit that? Henry, we're going to clear the hand raise button and just a second. This is just for voting to see where you guys are. So let's leave it open just for a few more seconds and see who's interested. Okay. So Jeffrey clear that. So turn that off and then turn it back on.

 And let's ask another question. Who is a public speaker? So you have given. You have spoken in Toastmasters. You've given a presentation, you've run a zoom call. You run a clubhouse room, right? Raise your hand. If that's the case for you just want to get a sense, we've got to put 112 of us in here. A hundred, some, some of us folks here, or maybe you just, you don't want to raise your hand.

 Okay. Either way. All right, that's cool. So we can turn that off and turn that back on Mr. Jeffrey. Who's our amazing moderator. CMO pets.com. A lot of people ask me, how do you speak clearly on stage? How do you tell a story? How do you do this? One minute video thing you guys have probably heard about the one minute video.

 I think that's kind of funny because in clubhouse we're doing audio, but it's not video, but either way, the mechanics are the same of being able to tell a story and you maybe have heard of the components, the three components of a one minute video. When I was, which sets the tone for a particular moment in time, I believe that which has giving the meaning behind the story that just happened.

 And I am, which is who you are, your job. While you started a company, you know what product you have to sell your role, that kind of thing. So if you follow that three-part framework, it might be, I went on a bike ride. Buddy mark yesterday evening. And when it got dark, we nearly got in the car accident because we were on a motorcycle and just one little swerve could have been the end of Dennis without me knowing it.

 And I think back to one of my good friends that I started a software company with. Who died in a motorcycle injury and the same kind of way. And it made me realize how life was so short. And I believe that you never know. Your time may come. So enjoy every moment that you have with your friends. Maybe you had a negative encounter with a coworker.

 Try to leave that on a good note, because you never know when that, that could have been the last moment that you talk to them. I'm Dennis Yu. I'm the founder of blitz metrics and I'm here to create a million. So you can see, I just demonstrated those three parts when I was. So, when I was at Starbucks this morning, when I went to Disneyland for the first time, when I tried the mocha frappuccino at Starbucks, and I keep using Starbucks as an example, probably doesn't a late afternoon.

 I'm thinking of a cap about caffeine, but it could be any kind of moment, but just one moment, which is a win, will you then communicate a story? The story has some kind of emotional. Output some something you want to feel because of that story, you realize something. And then because from that, the bigger picture, the meaning is I believe that I believe that veterans should be able to have a piece of the land that they serve and the government offers.

 Assistance to veterans. Did you know that you have these particular benefits available to you? You fought for your country. 87% of veterans don't even know that the government will secure that loan for them with no money down, right. Things like that. So you tell a story that then extrapolates to a larger thing that you believe, which then leads to a call to action.

 Those are the three parts of a widespread. Now a powerful why, and ideally it should be a cell phone, video, selfie style. You can film it any way. You can do a zoom on your laptop with a webcam, but the powerful story is the one that includes the bounce. Now what is the bounce? The bounce is when you show empathy back to the audience.

 So if I go on and on about, so this is how not. And I'll tell you everything I'm saying is a true story. I ran D one cross-country for SMU two weeks ago, I was in Dallas with the athletic director and the folks who run the human performance lab, helping people get stronger and win more with mental training.

 And I remember back to the days when I was an athlete, I ran D one cross-country and ran a 31 minute 10 K, and I did this and I did that. And it was very difficult. We trained a lot. We worked out, we ate a lot of food. We got up in the morning and six to do morning runs. Blahblahblahblahblah about me and what I did and what I'm thinking, but it doesn't involve you.

 It doesn't create empathy back to the user. So the bounce is a technique to throw that feeling of emotion back to whatever you're experiencing in that story, you throw it back to the user and it's by using the word. Not coach you, you not Dennis, you, you, but the word you, so I could say when my co-founder Chris Rummel died in a tragic motorcycle accident, I was devastate.

 Because I put all my hopes and dreams in the software company, and there's no way we get back to the code. I didn't feel like I wanted to even try again because we worked so hard to build this piece of software that was going to help athletes everywhere, get a virtual coach. That was the program that we worked on this.

 So that's, that's setting the story. Right. So there's, there's my story. All true. But then how do I get you to feel empathy? It's incorporating the word you, so how do I incorporate the word you, I could. I was devastated. You know, when you have that feeling in your gut or ever experience that feeling when you knew something bad was going to happen, or how would you feel if that, or imagine if you, as I'm trying to use the word you in different ways, there's so many different ways you can be creative and using the word you.

 And at first it's a little bit. Because you're focusing on telling the story while then trying to incorporate the bounce smoothly, but you'll notice the best speakers, the ones that are most dynamic and most powerful. Literally use this as an explicit technique to be able to create empathy and emotion and identification, especially the people that are selling personal development and trying to get your money so that you can be.

 And happy, healthy, wealthy, and all that kind of stuff. They use this technique explicitly. So listen to, when you hear people tell what's called the heroes. Where they talk about how they were poor and they were struggling and they couldn't pay rent. So they lived in their car and they got fired and they were about to commit suicide.

 And they were in their bathtub. They're about to give up, you know, like Tony Robbins, these kinds of stories, right? They tell all these stories. Brendon Burchard tells a story. He got in a car accident. And from that car accident, it was dark outside. But you looked up at the moon. And, you know, when the moon is so big, it feels like it's daytime because it illuminates the whole sky.

 And it was, then I realized that there was a purpose for my life. Right. You see, that's how it's done some kind of scene transitional sentence that uses the word you. Okay. Throws the emotion back to them. So they tell a story about some kind of fear or pleasure or excitement or anxiety or celebration or some kind of story.

 There's different ways. You can tell a story that pack an emotional punch, and then they get the punch back to them. You use the bounce, which is using the word use. Multiple times even you don't have to do it just once the pros you'll notice, go back and forth fluidly between telling the story and using the word use.

 So you don't even realize that they're doing it. And if you were new and not that good or not that natural, like me, I'm not a natural storyteller. I have to intentionally do this. So I don't use it as many times. As I probably should, but you'll notice the pros listen to how often they use the word you at the moment of when they deliver the emotional punch in the story.

 So I want to open up the clubhouse room here to the audience and who wants to practice telling a story in 15 seconds and using the bounce. And I just want to remind everyone, if you come up on stage, we are recording this show. So if you come up to practice your bounds, you are giving us permission to record you.

 Uh, and you can find recordings of the coach. You show, uh, over@startup.club, which is the website for. Club and you can sign up for our mailing list there to keep informed of this and other great shows and rooms happening here on start-up club. So now I'll pass it back to you, Mr. You, thank you, Jeffrey.

 And any of you in the audience that would like to practice. Public speaking, storytelling skills hit the hand raise button and the bottom center. It's a little bit scary, especially because there's a bunch of people. Actually. There's not even a lot of people in this room and nobody can see you anyway.

 Nobody's going to judge, you hit the hand raise button and I will coach you through it. We can go sentence at a time if you're a little bit scared or if you're thinking, oh, I kind of want to raise my hand, but I'm afraid I'm going to sound dumb or I don't have a good story to tell that's what. The reason why we're here is we all want to become better at communicating.

 It's not just Toastmasters where we're learning to speak on table topics and eliminate ums and AHS. This is about the next level where you want to be able to communicate with emotional impact. Okay. Hit that hand, raise button in the bottom. Jeffrey's going to let you up and we'll start doing some practicing.

 What do you guys.

 Okay. So we have, um, I hope I pronounce it correctly. Whiny, whiny. Um, welcome. Yeah. Yes. Whaney, uh, I'm feeling very nervous now to share, to share something. I'm trying to remember what you say. Um, okay. Okay. So, Wayne, do you have a story to think about one moment in time? Not 15 different things, but one particular moment, the movie camera is pointed at you and you're telling a story of something that happened.

 What is that? Yes. Okay. So when I was in boarding school, I faced a lot of trauma where I had a child die, quite close to. And this made me realize, you know, at that time, I didn't know. But later on in life, I began to realize how life could be so short, which made me change even my career, because I didn't have anyone to comfort me.

 And you can just imagine how hard that would be for a child to go through. And now when I see a child. Somebody's parent has passed away. I get this feeling that I just want to give them a hug because you know, that's something that I really wanted for myself when I was in little girl. Wow. Whaney that was pro you've done this before.

 Haven't you never, no,

 that was good. You did that several times. You incorporated the bounce. Did you guys notice that. You did a great job. Do you think Jeffrey? Yeah, I agree. I mean, I think, you know, you, you, you hooked us in, certainly by saying that when you're very young, you witnessed someone pass away another child and, um, you know, you brought us into it and then circled around how, how that had an impact on your life and what you're doing today.

 So I thought you did a very good job. You shouldn't be nervous and it's a very noble cause that you're working towards, based on your own experience. And Wayne's your story. Nobody can tell your story better than you, and when your story. Of some kind of distress or fear. I could kind of feel that in your voice, but I'm wondering if partly that was nervousness or partly you're accessing that moment.

 Cause you remembering what it felt like to watch somebody die in front of you. All the people can sense that. And so because you unlock that emotion when you did the bounce. That helped us feel it even better. Did you intentionally use the bounce there or did it just come naturally because you did it a couple of times there.

 That was great. I was in, in that moment, I was actually in that boarding school and yes, I was there. Great job. You want to try another one? Do you have another moment? Just one moment in time. Green third, so much right now, maybe I would just, okay, well how about hanging out? Okay. As we bring on other people, then maybe you can help and you could advise, or maybe when you have another story, you can share that.

 Yeah. So glad you're here. Thank you. Kudos. Duany for being so brave. Yeah. Raise your hand if you'd like to, to come up and as well. And I think, you know, it's interesting Dennis, because we're here in clubhouse, it's an audio platform and, and we could hear. The quavering in the voice, we could hear the emotion.

 And I think part of the reason why we can experience so many powerful discussions here in clubhouse is because of that, you know, the written word, especially now when people are doing things, short texts and using emojis and this and that, it's really hard sometimes to capture the true context and emotion that someone's trying to convey.

 But when you hear someone, you know, um, you really get a sense of. The emotion and passion behind what they're saying and it, and it helps you sniff out an authentic story versus a rehearsed story. And I think one of the things that was powerful when he, when you were speaking is it did not feel like it was rehearsed.

 It felt like you were in the moment and telling us this fresh and from your heart. And that's very true. Yeah. Also, she had an ideals story. This is what we call a signature story. Not every story needs to be something that is so earth shattering and momentous that it reframes your life and childhood and what you do.

 And she was able to connect that to what she does professionally. So don't think that the only stories that you can tell are ones that are at the tragic level of life and death. It could be simple things. For example this morning, my friend Jeremy pinged me asking, where is the intro chapter to his book on event marketing.

 And I felt guilty because I know I've pushed the thing off for three or four weeks, and I've been wanting to get around to it. But I haven't done that. And I just beat myself up thinking I'm leaving this guy hanging. I told him, I'd write the foreword to his book. You know, when you have that project that you push off and it's just lingering the back of your head, you know, you need to get it done, but you don't do it.

 I felt that kind of guilt. And then I realized all of us have these little things that we need to break through and sometimes we just need to get it done. And that's why. I now keep a list of three things I want to do each day. I write a list of those items and I check them off on the list, cross them out.

 It feels so good to get those things done. You see that? That's just a simple thing. Like getting one thing done. I access, you know, I said, here's what the situation was. I said, how I felt about it, just like Wayne. He did. And I used the bounce a way to incorporate the word you there's many different ways to incorporate the word you in telling the story.

 And you'll find the most powerful storytellers do this. And when they tell that story, not only do they have the bounce in order to have the bounce, this emotional reflection, back to the audience, to be powerful, you have to build up a story, not embellish a story, not exaggerate the story, but you have to build up a few facts about the story that helped people feel and see what's going on.

 So if we were to point the movie camera there, we could actually see it. Now contrast these two scenes scene a is. When I was in high school, I worked lots of different, random sorts of jobs because I wanted to make money and buy a pair of air Jordans. That was the thing to be popular. And I pulled weeds.

 I did transcription. I had a paper route. I started websites, all these different things to try to make a little bit of extra cash so I can buy a pair of air Jordans. Right. That's one story. That's a exhibit B. My very first job was in palace Verdes estates make you $4 and 25 cents an hour. Pulling weeds for this old woman in the back of her yard.

 I was pulling weeds. I got blisters on my hand and she was out there watching me. She was too cheap to hire a real landscaper or get equipment. So there I was as a 14 year old pulling weeds with my bare hands doing the best I could. I was exhausted after three and a half hours. I didn't have enough water.

 It was hot outside. And eventually I decided I'm never going to be a gardener. And which of them had a particular scene that you could see a or B.

 B because you focused on just a few details on one particular scene. So the movie camera, you could see me in the field, pulling the weeds. The old lady get mad at me, me being frustrated, being paid $4 25 cents an hour, which granted that was 1988, something like that. Versus if you say when I was in school or when I first got married or when I started my business or that's, that could be an intro, but it has to focus on one particular scene on a Thursday afternoon.

 This thing happened when Sally called me and said that she was, you know, my client called and said how unhappy she was. I told her this, right. You can see a particular moment in time. So be careful of generalizations about college or business or learning, but focus on one moment, one scene from that one scene, you develop something that happened, some kind of challenge.

 Usually it's some kind of failure or some kind of shock, something that happened that caused you to feel a certain way. It could be a positive thing. It could be when I won the. Regional spelling bee in California to represent California and the national spelling bee in 1988. True story. I was so excited.

 I was going to Washington DC for the scripts, Howard national spelling bee with my parents, with a bunch of kids from all over the United States who were super smart. And we got to. DC. And we toured the Smithsonian, the Washington monument. We toured all sorts of places around DC. You could see kind of in your eye, you could see the scene, like a movie scene of me going around to these different places.

 Versus if I said I was a good Asian in high school and I studied a little. In fact, I studied so hard. I worked on the weekends too, because we had Chinese school on Saturdays. That's what Chinese parents like to do. And I was just working all the time and I didn't have any friends. And you know, that's not as powerful as isolating one moment in time.

 Right? One moment in time is at the spelling bee. I remember stepping out on the stage and there were 50 TV cameras pointing at me. The lights were bright in my face. And the announcer was clear on the other side of the stage, I could barely hear him. And he told me the word that I had dispelled. I was so scared.

 I was trembling. I could barely hear him. The lights were in my face, but I asked him to repeat the word and it was, then I heard the word, I spelled it correctly and I was able to not die because in the squid games, you all die, you know, whatever it might be. Right. You could, you could envision the scene.

 So learn how to focus on a specific detail that allows you then access the emotion that then allows you to do the bounce. So that's a lot of things to remember, but the more practice you have, the better you get at it. And even I'm still a novice, even, I'm still learning all the time. How to tell stories.

 All right, who wants to practice? I promise you you'll feel so good once you do. You overcome that? Uh, public speaking because when the show is over, you might think, ah, dang it. I should raise my hand, but I didn't want it to, cause I thought maybe somebody else would raise their hand. I was afraid of looking dumb or something like that.

 Hey, Jeffrey, you want to give it a shot? Okay. Well I can, um, I'll yeah, I'll tell a story. Um, I have, I have three kids, two boys, but I have one daughter. And if anyone's ever, if you have ever, you know, witnessed the birth of a child, you know that one of the first things you do is you sort of count their fingers and toes.

 You want to make sure that that beautiful child has all their fingers and toes. And when my beautiful daughter, Olivia was born sure enough, she had all her fingers and toes. I was very happy when Olivia was about two and a half years old. I had left her with my in-laws at the time too. Um, cause we were going to be going away.

 Um, my wife at the time and I were coming down to Florida where I live now, cause I was changing jobs and I had to come down to look for a place to live and then we're going to come back. So I was taking the boys with me cause they were older, but Olivia is the youngest was going to stay with her grandparents.

 And um, you know, it's probably the first time we left her alone when we weren't with her. So as you know, If you're a parent, that's a stressful time to begin. And it was the Friday afternoon before we were leaving for Florida that Saturday morning. And I got a frantic call about four in the afternoon. I was at my office.

 I got a frantic call from my mother-in-law and she screaming hysterical over the phone. And I couldn't really understand what she's saying. She's going her finger, her finger Olivia's finger, her finger. And I said, you know, mom, what, what what's going on? Her finger, her finger. It's blood everywhere. And she's mommy's all right, stay there.

 I'm leaving right now. I'm coming to coming to you. And they lived in Queens. I was working in Manhattan and I rush out, get in my car, drive through the traffic, get to Manhattan. And I, I show up at their home and there's a note on the door, went to the hospital and they told me which hospital was. So I get back in the car and I rush over to the hospital and, and you know how stressful this could be when you, you're not really sure what's going on.

 And this was a number of years ago. So there were no cell phones. I had to just rely on that note on the door and then head to the hot. So I show up to the emergency room and I get there and I see my daughters there and my mother-in-law and my daughter's got her hand all wrapped up and I arrived just at the moment that the doctor was going to see her.

 So I literally still don't really know what's going on and I just follow my daughter or carry her into, see the doctor and the doctor unwraps the bandage that my mother-in-law put in her finger and reveals her bloody hands. And he takes a look at it at her finger and he notices that the top of her finger is missing and he looks at me and granted, I just arrived.

 He looks at me and says, where's the rest of her finger. I don't know, I just got here and I turned to my mother-in-law and I, and you know, she's hysterical. And I find out that my daughter fell while she was holding a stepladder and the stepladder closed and sliced the top of her finger off, you know, from just, just above the nail.

 So the doctor looks me right in the eye and you know, that look when someone is dead serious, you know how they look you in the eye and you know how that feels the see right through. You have to find the finger literally. So that's what he said to me. So. I run off, get back in my car again, drive back to my in-law's house.

 Now, now that I know what had happened, I went right into the kitchen and sure enough, there's a stepladder on the floor and I examined the step ladder and I find the tip of my daughter's finger stuck to the side of the step ladder, like a piece of chicken. I mean, literally like a piece of chicken with a fingernail.

 So. Like most of you, I watch a lot of TV, so I figured, okay, I got to put it on ice. So I grab a Dixie cup off the counter, open up the freezer, pour some, put some ice cubes in the Dixie cup and carefully place. The tip of my daughter's finger into that Dixie cup and run outside and trip and fall and spill the contents of that Dixie cup, including my daughter's fingertip into the gutter.

 This is in Queens, New York, the gutters full of leaves and dirt. So now, now I'm struggling. Brushing aside, leaves picking up and brushing off ice cubes with my mouth and trying to find it. I find that dirty tip of the finger. I said, whatever the doctor will deal with it, put it back in the cup. Some ice cubes rushed back to the hospital, bring in the dirty tip of the finger.

 The doctors, you know, cleans it off with all the antiseptics and everything. And then I sat with my daughter, Olivia in my lap for two and a half hours. While the hand surgeon that they brought in from another hospital, literally sewed the tip of her finger. Back on. And I just sat there and held her and she was a champion.

 I am someone who don't like the sight of blood. So it was pretty tough. But you know, when it's, you know, when it's your child you'll do anything and you'll do things that you wouldn't normally do. Normally I wouldn't want to watch surgery right in front of me with someone sitting in my lap, but I did.

 It's my daughter, he sewed the tip of her finger back on said he wasn't sure if it would take or not. We'd have to wait and see. And I'm happy to say that today. My daughter, Olivia is 30 years old and just like when she was born, she has all her fingers and toes. And, um, you wouldn't know that she had lost that tip at that time.

 Wow. Masterpiece. So if you looked at her hand now, could you tell if you. If you look really carefully, you can see a very thin line, but it doesn't, it almost doesn't even look like a scar, just a very thin line. But other than that, no, there's no nothing. No. So that tip of the finger still has all sensations.

 Yeah, like normal. She was very, she, she was very lucky. You know, they brought in a hand surgeon from long island Jewish hospital, which is one of the best hospitals in New York. And he, you know, knew what he was doing. And despite my, my spill into the gutter, I think the ice cubes and the fast action and retrieving that, uh, tip of the finger with the nail intact, it worked out.

 And, um, she said, no problem since. Well, you guys can hear Jeffrey story. You could feel the excitement, the anticipation, the find, you know, when you know, when he looks you in the face and it gives you that look, all right, go back and get the finger. You can see him frantically driving back and forth between the hospital and the house.

 You're just with them every step of the way. And I know I was thinking, gee, what's going to happen next. Is he going to find the finger? Is the finger going to go down the drain? Like the clown with the balloon or whatever? It's the third. You're gonna be able to sew it back on. What's the, mother-in-law going to say, you know what you're wondering, what's going to happen next, just like in any kind of show.

 And so that's the hallmark of a good story. And Jeffrey, you used the balance, I think seven times. Did I count that correctly? I wasn't, I wasn't keeping track. You almost use it too many times, but it was good. And the way that you used it most commonly was you said, you know, and you know, is okay, just be sure that you don't say, you know, so often that it becomes like the word, like, or a filler, because a lot of younger adults will say, blah, blah, blah.

 You know, you know, you know, Which has sort of a fake empathy because they're not really bouncing it. They're just saying the word, you know? So you, instead of saying, you know, you could say like that, look when the doctor gives you, when you know you eat or the look your, your mom gives you when you've misbehaved.

 Yeah, that makes the like, is an easier word, but it's, but be careful about saying like, because like could be a valley, like when the valley girls, like, when they're saying like, you know, like when they don't know how to speak very clearly and like everything ends and the end of a sentence, like, it's a question, but like, it's not actually a question, you know?

 And when like the end, the voice goes up at the end of the sentence, you know, like that kind of thing. So like, you know, work really well as analogies to bridge into using the bounce when there's possible. Good, good feedback then it's I appreciate that. Cause I, I do tend to say even when I'm not telling a story like that, I notice I tend to say, you know, too much, so that's a good, good feedback.

 Thank you. Yup. Fantastic. You did great. I would grade you 95 out of a hundred. Well, thank you, Louis. You lose five, lose three points. Four. I think I counted four ohms and the bounce wasn't quite it. Wasn't perfect, but it was very, very good. Right. So if you can change your inflection just a little bit, when you deliver the bounce, it's going to carry more emotional impact, especially it's okay to pause too, because when you pause for a second or two, that lets people think about it, it really sinks in what happened.

 Such as the doctor unwrapped Olivia's towel or whatever, it was around a bandage around the arm and realized that she was missing the tip of her finger. And so you pause there for a second or two, and then you deliver a bounce. Right. And I was scared what the doctor would say, you know, when there's silence and.

 You know, they're going to say something bad, like that kind of thing. Right. So that was really good. I mean, 95. Fantastic. Thank you, Dennis. Okay. We have 'cause, you know, you talked as a parent as well, so somehow then I just felt really connected to your story. And it was elegant too. And that you started with being born, counting all the fingers and toes, and you ended with all the fingers and toes.

 So I was wondering where you're going with that because I thought, why is he putting in so much effort in a preamble, on fingers and toes? And then later it's like, oh, okay. I can see why you did that. That's good. It's a nice way to loop back around. Yes. You saw what I did there. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. We have Sophina up next Placentia.

 I am super hero. How are you doing? I'm great. How are you? Good. Glad you're here. You ready? Thanks for having me. I'm like totally nervous. Oh, that's great. That means it's exciting. You want to reframe nervousness into excitement? Think of it. Safina. Like you're getting a gift. Like it's a present and you're going to open the present and inside is some kind of, it could be money.

 It could be something that you like your favorite food. So you want to reframe. That energy from fear into excitement. Okay. Absolutely. I'm going to, I'm going to try. All right, let's do it. What's your story? So, uh, the other day I had a mentor asked me why is it that I do what I do? I'm a nonprofit consultant and, um, all the answers I was giving her.

 Was just surface stuff, because I love working with nonprofits or mission-based businesses, or I love helping people. And she was just like, yeah, why don't you, why don't you come back? Because it doesn't sound like you have the, um, the conviction behind those stories that tell me that that's really your why.

 And so I sat in my room and. Everything was off in my room. Uh, there was no noise and I just sat and I was trying to think about, all right, why, why do I do what I do? And then this memory popped into my head when I was around 19. I remember walking into this restaurant, uh, right behind this gentleman who.

 Didn't have a shirt, didn't have any shoes or slippers. And he was barefoot. Um, he had black shorts on and he had this, uh, he had about shoulder length, grungy, grayish, white hair. So as I walked into the restaurant right behind him, um, I was thinking to myself, I think this guy is homeless. Um, clearly. No one could look as grungy as him and like be okay.

 And so when we were in this takeout restaurant, uh, there were three of us there. I was right behind this gentleman and there was one person in front of him. Um, the person in front of him finally had done their order and left. So now it was this gentleman's turn. And I kept thinking about how, um, Well, that's awesome.

 You know, that this guy, um, this guy can be served. Um, and so when he got up to the counter, the cashier immediately took a look at him and said, I'm sorry. No shoes, no shirt, no service needs. And when I heard that my ears maybe parked up and I looked at her and I couldn't see the guy's face because I was behind him, but I could see his shoulders kind of slump.

 And I could hear him say to the lady,

 my mom is hungry. I just need a sandwich. I can. Well, he said it with a type of accent, uh, that I wasn't familiar with. And the lady again, the cashier again says, sorry, no shoes, no shirt, no service. You need to leave. And so I could hear the gentlemen again, say, please, my mom, I can pay. So then the cashier yells to the kitchen and says, I think we have a problem.

 When this burly gentlemen emerges and says what's going on and I can hear the cashier. Tell this burly gentlemen, um, he's got no shoes, no shirt. We can't serve him. He needs to leave. So the Burley gentleman again, and addresses this, um, this gentleman in front of me and says, Rhonda, you gotta leave.

 Otherwise we can call the cops, no shoes, no shirt, no service. And. I remember the gentleman taking a step back again, reiterating, please. I can pay. And the cashier and the cook both said get outta here. And so he began to leave and I felt anger. I felt hurt or this gentleman. And so.

 And in addition to that shock. And so as soon as the gentlemen started heading for the door, um, the cashier looked at me and said, what can I help you with? I looked at her, I turned towards the gentleman that was exiting and I followed him out. I followed him out of the restaurant and caught him on the opposite side of the restaurant doors.

 And I asked him, excuse me, What would you like? What, what do you need? What do you, what would you like? And he goes anything. My mom is hungry. I compare. And so he held up his hand and in his hand he had crinkled dollar bills and I told him, don't worry about it. Just, you know, our issue, allergic to anything I can, I'll pay for it.

 I'll get her something to eat. And he goes just anything. So I said, okay. I walked back into the restaurant and I go up to the cashier. Um, and I ordered two plate lunches and a sandwich for myself. And so the cashier asked me, are you ordering for the gentleman that just left? And I told her, what does that matter?

 And she told me, well, you can't do that. If he doesn't have shoes or shirt there's no, we can't service him. And I told her. Pretty pretty angrily. Like that shouldn't matter because he's not ordering. I am. And clearly I have a shirt, I have shoes. And so you should be able to take my order of which I'm going to pay for.

 And so she calls behind again to the kitchen and says, I think we have a problem. So again, this burly gentleman comes out and says, what's going on? And the cashier says, she's trying to order for the gentlemen that. Told me, uh, asked to leave. And so the Burley gentlemen told me, oh, you cannot do that. And I shocked.

 I was just utterly shocked. I looked at both of them and I asked them, is this restaurant owned by the nonprofit, just a few doors down. And they both looked at me and said yes. And I was like, oh, okay. Um, doesn't that nonprofit serve homeless people. And they both looked at me and said yes. And I said, okay, so what does it matter if he has low shoes, no shirt.

 Um, if that, if that's who you're trying to serve. And so I guess a little bit peeved, because I started answering them, asking them questions. They told me it's none of my business I should leave. And so even more pissed, I ended up letting them know that I was a boarder. I was a director on the board of directors for this organization.

 And it just also so happened that my mom was the executive director and that I would be discussing with her on what just transport. And so I was beginning to walk out where they had stopped me and said, we are, we apologize. We are so sorry. And then the, they proceeded to take my order. And of course I'm mad, but I wanted to feed this gentleman.

 And so they took my order. I paid for, I paid for it. I went outside and I gave the gentlemen his order and. The look on his face was what got me though most when I gave him the food, I've never S I was 19 at the time. I never seen a grown man on the verge of tears and looked so helpless. And when he accepted the food, he said, I can pay and try to give me again, the crumpled dollar bills that was in his, that was in his hand.

 And they sort of, don't worry about it. She'd your mom. When you're done, make sure you eat this food when you are done, come back, go to the door right across the parking lot and ask for this person, um, because this person can help. You can help you in your mom, make sure that you get fed tomorrow. And so he goes, okay.

 Okay. I will. And that's when I realized that it was because of that moment.

 I I embedded this belief system, even unconscious to me until I had this exercise, that the reason why I do the things that I do in my non-profit consultancy business is because I firmly believe that if we are in a position to help people, we should. Wow. Sophina that is powerful. Was that in Hawaii?

 'cause he said Brauda some of the phrases. I thought that some of the specifics that you mentioned were powerful. And the way that you almost took on the voice of the manager or the, you know, the guy, the burly guy, or the cashier saying, look, I said, no shoes, no shirt, no service brought up. Right. We can't serve you.

 And we could picture what happened there. Think about isolating, just those details. Just a few of those key details in the story. I think you took 11 minutes. I bet you, you could tell the story in 90 seconds, just as. I was trying to, but I was also on the verge of tears. Yes. Because you're accessing the emotion.

 That's what happens. So when it's, when it's an authentic story and you're feeling the story and you're remembering that often it will cause people to slow down and we've done this on stage with hundreds of people and people will come up and volunteer. Like we see here one time, some guy who is really big and buff looked like a real tough guy.

 I spoke to the first time in his life instead that he was abused by his stepfather sexually molested. And he'd never mentioned that he held it in this whole time for 32 years. And just broke out in tears and we've seen people talk about their mother dying of cancer. We've seen people talk about all kinds.

 It doesn't have to be negative horrific situations, but when you access that emotion, you have to be able to access it, but still be able to keep enough composure to tell your story, like you sell assault with whiny. Wayne. She was able to access her story, but you could still feel the emotion come through.

 So it's kind of a balance. So you did a great job. We could tell it was real. We could feel what was going on scene by scene. See about speeding. It doesn't mean that you have to talk faster, but pick some of the key details. So you don't have to have every little piece of dialogue. Right? What are some of the key moments, right?

 That was fantastic. Good job. Yeah. The only thing I would add too, I agree with everything Dennis said is, is, you know, sort of the punchline to the story was the fact that, that you knew the restaurant was associated with the. Nonprofit and that you had an association with the nonprofit. So that's kind of like the, the aha the surprise moment of the story.

 So I think you can lead to that better. So I think one way you could shorten it to, I don't know that you needed to start with the introduction about your mentor asking you if you knew what your, why was, and that's why you remembered. I mean, I think you can dive right into this particular story right away, because this story on its own is powerful.

 And you have that kind of gotcha moment at the end. Um, when you reveal, you know, your connection to the non. Yeah, fantastic. Hero's journey by the way. That's great because we're rooting for the old man and his mom to be able to eat we're rooting for you. And when you mentioned, well, that non-profit, that owns this restaurant, I'm a director, then you can see everyone's kind of cheering like yeah, yeah.

 Then they apologized and said how sorry they were and you know, happily ever after. So that's, that's a great payoff. Like Jeffrey said, if you can start with that scene of, I was standing in line at the restaurant, this old man in front of me with salt and pepper, gray hair clearly looked homeless. Tried to order if you start there.

 I think the rest of it will flow because you don't have to say that the why is important until the very end. So when you can, if you do the three-part sequence of a one minute story, when I was, so when I was in line at the restaurant, all this happened, and then you reveal that it's owned by the non-profit two doors down and don't you serve the homeless.

 That's an only then is when you can say, I believe that. Right. That's the, that's the story is what unlocks your, why? So you don't want it, if you tell your why first, or if you talk about your why before telling the story you are, you're not allowing the audience to come to the conclusion themselves. So the story is what delivers the power, which then has the emotion, which then allow, then you include the bounce.

 And then you can say, I believe that, right? So when you have the story that has the emotion. That then balances that to the audience. Then when you make a statement about it, I believe that it's important to have a why and you know, or whatever is to be morally consistent to help people. Right. It's all the sort of moral conclusions that you have then the final piece is I am.

 I am Sophina and I help nonprofits on lock their why to better serve their community. Right. Then when you deliver that punch at the end, it carries so much power because you're stacking, stacking, stacking all the way through you. See that? I understand now. Okay. Yeah. So that's three parts of telling a powerful why video of which the bounce is the piece in the middle that allows other people to feel that way.

 So any nonprofit that you consult for, you want to help them tell stories and to be able to create empathy, they have to help. Feel the same way, which increases donations and participation and advocacy and more people coming to the silent auction and you know, all the kinds of things that nonprofits are trying to do.

 Right. So nonprofits have to be experts at storytelling and that's what you helped them do. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you for, and this I'm sorry. This is recorded, right? Like I, I want to go back through and like, I I'm taking my own notes, but I really want to go back to. Yep. Next week, next week it'll be posted.

 Usually it takes about a week for them to show up on start-up dot club. So if you go to startup.club and you'll find the coach, you show, you'll be able to find the recording for this show and also past episodes of the coach you show for. Wonderful. I appreciate it. Thank you. Awesome. And ladies gentlemen, every week we meet Thursday 5:00 PM Pacific, a new top.

 That will teach and practice. I love teaching from things that I've learned that I practice and have you guys practice it well as well. That's why it's the coach new show because it's coaching you get it. And as part of started that club, so happy. That they host this so happy that Jeffrey's here every week.

 He's the COO of a big company. He's very successful, very humble yet. He's making time and I'm glad that you guys are making time and I'm excited to see you guys every week. I want to see more participation from you because that's how you're going to grow. Don't just listen to this. Radio show, right? The whole point of clubhouse is that we can participate.

 And if you're reading this on the blog or you're listening to this on startup.club, that's great too, but there's nothing better than building real connections live together in person. And with that, thank you so much, everybody. Jeffrey, take us out. Thank you, Dennis. Thank you, everyone. This has been another great episode of the coach you show.

 And as I mentioned, visit startup.club for recording. Sign up for our mailing lists. And Dennis will be here every Thursday evening at 5:00 PM. Pacific 8:00 PM. Eastern time for coaching you on the coach you show. Thanks everyone. Thank you, Dennis. Have a good night. Everybody love you all.

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Read the Transcript for the Audio: EP 19: ‘The Bounce’

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